Two Women Sleeping Together

First Time Sexually Active Tips

If you have never had sex before, it is important to make sure you are ready and that the person you choose feels safe with you. Unlike popular hook up culture, most people have their first time with someone they have been dating or in a relationship with for a long time.

1. Talk About Your Expectations

Regardless of age, gender or sexual orientation, the first time having sex can be a nerve-wracking experience. There is a lot of information out there, and it’s natural to have questions and trepidations about protection, STIs, pregnancy and so much more.

This is why open communication is so important. Before you have sex for the first time, talk to your partner about what turns them on, how they think it should feel and what their expectations are. It’s also important to let them know that they don’t have to do anything that makes them uncomfortable. No means no, and your partner should respect that decision.

When it comes to having sex for the first time, it’s important to go slow and not rush things. It’s a good idea to kiss, touch and rub each other down before penetration. Keeping the conversation going throughout the process can keep your mind off the pain and help your body get used to the sensations. It’s also a good idea to keep lubricants handy, as you can apply them as needed to reduce friction and prevent chafing.

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Don’t psych yourself out by expecting the big, teen movie-like sex that you see in movies. It’s usually awkward, and there will probably be lots of embarrassing moments (like when someone farts or sneezes). You may even experience pain, which is totally normal. And, of course, you may not have an orgasm — again, that’s totally normal.

2. Find a Safe Place

Many people feel uncomfortable around the topic of sex, and that’s totally okay. That’s why it is so important to find a safe place. This could be a room in your house, an outdoor space or a friend’s home.

You may also want to talk with a counselor or therapist about what to expect, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and pregnancy. CU Boulder’s Let’s Talk is a great place to go for this. They offer free counseling and consultations, including a special hour on Tuesdays for sex and gender concerns.

It’s also a good idea to carry condoms, dental dams, gloves and lube with you at all times. It’s a good idea to talk with your partner about protection as well. You should also be mindful of your sexually transmitted infection (STI) history, and be prepared to get tested for them if necessary.

Lastly, remember that sex can be fun and exciting, but it’s also serious business. Be sure to listen to your body’s signals, and never ignore red flags like sweat or a change in breathing. If you’re not comfortable with a situation, you have the right to end it. This can save you from being raped or having an STD. It’s worth it to do the right thing!

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3. Be Honest

If you’re going to have sex for the first time, it helps to know your partner’s preferences. It can help you avoid compromising your own experience and potentially creating friction during intercourse. You can do this by being honest about your own desires, but also asking your partner questions. For example, “Do you like oral sex?” or, “Does music help or hinder your pleasure?”

It’s also important to remember that it’s okay to not have an orgasm during sex for the first time. It’s actually more common than you might think. One study found that women who didn’t have an orgasm during their first intercourse were half as satisfied as those who did, and had less interest in sex.

Finally, it’s a good idea to always use protection. It can help prevent pregnancy and STIs. It’s a good idea to talk about it with your partner and to make sure you both are on the same page regarding protection.

The bottom line is that sex can be scary, awkward and confusing for the first time. However, if you prepare for it, take it slow and be honest about what you want, your experience is likely to be better than you expect. Hopefully you’ll find that your first time will be something you look back on fondly, rather than regret.

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4. Go Slow

You may want to rip off your clothes and get intimate, but there’s nothing wrong with going slow. This can give you time to figure out if sex is what you’re looking for or not. Plus, it will reduce anxiety, which can be a huge barrier to pleasure.

If you’re unsure, try a kissing position, touching, or stroking each other’s penis and vaginas to become more familiar with what your body feels like. It’s also helpful to use a vibrator (or have your partner use one) to stimulate the nerves in the area and increase orgasms.

It’s okay to go a little further than touching, but you should always use a condom when it comes to sexual activity. This will prevent unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. Also, make sure you and your partner are both comfortable, and that you don’t have plans afterward. Women should also pee before and after sex to reduce the chances of a urinary tract infection.

It’s completely normal to feel disappointed if your first experience doesn’t live up to your expectations, but don’t let it discourage you. Just remember that sex can be very pleasurable, and it’s a great way to bond with your partner. And don’t forget that masturbation counts, too! (Dr. Jordan Rullo explains why in this video.) You can still have a very intimate relationship without having sex.