Most doctors recommend waiting at least six weeks to resume penetrative sex, especially after a vaginal delivery. This is because the lacerations from vaginal tearing need to heal, as do episiotomies if you had one.
But if you and your partner are itching for intimacy, anal sex may be an option. If so, it’s important to know when it’s safe, how it will feel and which types of contraception are best.
Wait at Least Four to Six Weeks After Childbirth
Most doctors recommend that new moms wait until six weeks postpartum before resuming intercourse, regardless of the birth method. This is because during vaginal delivery, the space between the vagina and anus called the perineum stretches during the birth process. This can lead to a small tear that will heal on its own or a larger one that might require stitches. A doctor might also have to perform a procedure called an episiotomy during labor, which involves cutting a small piece of tissue in the vagina. It takes six weeks for the area to fully heal from this.
It’s also important to take into consideration low levels of circulating estrogen during the postpartum period. This can affect a woman’s libido.
A lot of women just don’t feel like having anus sex after giving birth. And that’s okay! You’re tired, sore, and juggling a newborn. It’s normal to want to reestablish physical intimacy with your partner in other ways, such as cuddling or having intimate conversations. It may be helpful to ask for help from friends and family to get you through the first few weeks postpartum. This way, you can focus on caring for your baby while getting some rest and reestablishing your sex drive and energy. It’s also best to pause anus sex until you are completely healed from any vaginal lacerations.
Listen to Your Body
As with any medical procedure, it’s important to listen to your body. If you’re feeling uncomfortable, or if your uterus feels bigger than before pregnancy, or if your vaginal wound hasn’t healed properly, it may be a good idea to delay sex for a little bit.
Even if you’ve been cleared by your doctor to have anal sex, it’s still wise to wait until your body is ready for it. Your vagina went through quite a journey during childbirth, and whether you delivered vaginally or had a C-section, it’s likely there was some tearing and scarring in the area. In addition, some women develop hemorrhoids in the anal canal after childbirth, which can be itchy and painful or bleed.
In addition, you’re probably sleep deprived and going through an emotional rollercoaster after the birth of your baby. All of this can make sex feel like the last thing on your mind. However, over time, with a little patience and creativity, most new mamas can return to enjoying sex after a baby. If penetration hurts, try different positions and lots of lubrication. Oral sex may also be more comfortable than penetrative sex for some new moms. This is a personal choice that you and your partner should decide together.
Take Care of Your Intimacy
Your body and hormones are working on a lot of different levels after having a baby. You may find that sex is not as pleasurable as it was pre-baby, but that’s completely normal. There are many reasons why sex might not feel the same, like how your body is healing and adjusting to postpartum life, your birth experience, and your emotional wellbeing.
It’s also worth mentioning that having anal sex after a vaginal birth can be messy—it’s very likely that you will have some fecal matter come out during this kind of intimacy, which is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. That’s why it’s important to have lubrication on hand at all times. You can try using a water-based lubricant or even plain old unscented baby wipes.
You can also use your lubricant to help you become sexually aroused before engaging in anal sex, as this can also increase your pleasure. However, it’s not necessary to have penetration before you feel ready, as oral sex and mutual masturbation are fine as well.
If you are having pain during anal sex, it’s important to talk about this with your partner. If you pretend that it’s not painful, it will only make the situation worse for both of you in the long run and could lead to a loss of intimacy and trust in your relationship.
Talk to Your Partner
It’s important for new moms and their partners to talk about how they feel about intimacy after pregnancy. Some women who were big sex-players prior to childbirth might not be ready for sex at all, and that’s totally fine. Others might want to resume sexual activity but may be concerned about pain or discomfort from anal sex.
If a woman is worried that anal sex might hurt, it’s best to avoid it until the area heals. This is particularly true for those who had a vaginal delivery and might have an episiotomy, or surgical cut to widen the vaginal canal. This area can be achy and painful after childbirth, especially if it’s rubbed by oral or anal sex. It’s also possible to develop hemorrhoids in this area, which can be itchy and painful and even bleed with sexual activity.
For those who are ready to have anal sex after childbirth, a good idea is to use lots of lube. This will help to minimize friction, which is a leading cause of pain and discomfort with anal sex. Additionally, a woman’s hormone levels might not be back to their pre-pregnancy level, which can decrease sexual desire and cause a sensation of dryness. In this case, a woman might want to consider starting with oral or mutual masturbation before moving onto penetrative anal sex.