A Woman Lying on the Bed

How to Stop Overthinking During Sex

Overthinking during sex can lead to anxiety, decreased arousal, and hinder your ability to experience pleasure. It can also interfere with your ability to connect with your partner and create emotional intimacy.

But there are ways to stop overthinking and be present during sex. Therapists told Insider that they recommend mindfulness, deep breathing exercises, focusing on sensual pleasure, challenging negative thoughts, and prioritizing emotional intimacy.

1. Focus on the sensations

One of the simplest ways to bring yourself back into the moment is by focusing on the sensations of your body. This might mean noticing what your hands feel like, or how your partner’s touch feels on different parts of your body, or tuning into your sense of smell and hearing.

It might also be helpful to try some relaxation techniques before sex, like meditating, doing some light stretching, or even just taking deep breaths. Then you can use those same strategies during sex to calm your mind and focus on pleasure.

Distractions during sex are totally normal, but they don’t have to get in the way of intimacy. It’s important to work through whatever is keeping you from feeling fully present so that you can experience sex the way it was meant to be experienced – as a delicious, sensual, sexual connection with your partner.

Being distracted during sex can be caused by anything from anxiety about performance to reliving traumatic experiences or unresolved issues in your relationship. It can be hard to stay present when your mind is filled with anxious, self-critical thoughts about how you look or whether you’ll have an orgasm.

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2. Take a deep breath

If you find yourself getting wrapped up in thoughts during sex, take a deep breath and try to clear your mind. Deep breathing stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, which encourages relaxation and lowers stress levels. It’s also a great way to regulate the rhythm of your body and connect with the sensations of pleasure.

To get started, sit comfortably and focus on your breath. Then, slow your breathing down and see how long it takes for you to exhale. Practice this technique during masturbation and gradually work your way up to using it during partnered sex. It will take some time and patience to find a variation that feels right for you, but it’s well worth the effort.

You may also want to try rocking back and forth to the rhythm of your breath, which helps create a feeling of sensuality and excitement. In addition, make eye contact with your partner and try to sense their pleasures, discomforts, or tenseness. This will help you stay connected to the present moment and increase intimacy during sex.

3. Reframe your thoughts

Thoughts during sex are normal, but they can become problematic when they start to get in the way of the actual experience. Rather than trying to fight or suppress them, try reframing them. Negative thoughts aren’t easy to change, but recognizing them as cognitive distortions can help. These are false beliefs that distort the truth and cause you to jump to conclusions based on minimal or no evidence.

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For example, thinking you’re a bad person because of your intrusive sexual thoughts during sex can lead to shame and fear. Similarly, believing that you will never have a good relationship can make you avoid dating or even stay single for a long time.

Instead, remind yourself that you are deserving of pleasure and your partner wants you. Reframing your negative thoughts will be a process, but it’s worth it to have a more enjoyable sexual experience. Lastly, remember to be patient and kind to yourself in the process. Reframing takes a lot of practice, and it’s okay to have some failures along the way. For example, if you find yourself distracted by an anxious thought during sex, take a deep breath and come back to the present moment later on.

4. Be spontaneous

Spontaneous sex is fun, playful and can deepen your intimacy with your partner. It can also help you break out of your sexual rut by allowing you to try new positions and exploring different ways of pleasure.

However, it’s easy to get stuck in a routine and find yourself overthinking during sex. When you’re thinking about a grocery list, an argument with your friend, or a work project, it can be difficult to connect with your partner and experience sexual pleasure.

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If you’re trying to be spontaneous in your sex life, start by planning ahead a little. For example, if you know that you tend to respond best to physical stimulation during sex, consider having a sex toy or other sensual object ready to go. It can also be helpful to take a look at your schedule and identify any time-wasting activities that could be eliminated. For instance, you may be able to cut out some TV watching or time on your phone and free up more room for fun and spontaneity in your sex life.

5. Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is a practice that can help people get in touch with their bodies and stay present. It can be helpful for a variety of situations, including sexual experiences.

Mindful sexual practices can be done alone or with a partner. It’s important to find a method that works for you and your partner. It may take time to train yourself to be more present, but it’s worth the effort. It will allow you to enjoy the experience and focus on pleasure.

If you find yourself overthinking during sex, try taking a few deep breaths to calm your mind and then focusing on the sensations of your body. You can also try relaxing techniques before sex, such as deep breathing, exercise, eating a light snack, or using foreplay to increase the pleasure. Remember that it’s okay if your thoughts wander–just accept them and then bring your attention back to the moment at hand. Practice this regularly, and you’ll find that your distractions become fewer and farther between.