Many people bring a lot of mental baggage into the bedroom. Whether it’s the laundry list of chores and errands to complete, self-critical thoughts or anxieties about sex, these stray thoughts can interfere with pleasure, connection and intimacy.
In fact, the inability to relax and be present during sex can lead to a lack of lubrication and even sexual problems like anorgasmia. Here are some tips to help you practice mindfulness and relaxation techniques before sex.
1. Breathe
Breathing is something that most of us take for granted, but it’s incredibly important in prepping yourself for sex. When you breathe deeply, it helps to relax your muscles and lower your stress levels. This, in turn, can help you achieve orgasms and have a more satisfying sexual experience.
To practice your breathing, find a comfortable place where you can be alone and focus on your breaths. Inhale through your nose and out through your mouth, focusing on the way that your body feels as you breathe. Try to breathe out for double the length of time that you inhale. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but with practice, it will become easier.
You can also synchronize your breath with your partner’s to create a sense of closeness and intimacy. This can lead to deeper pleasure and a better connection between you and your partner. This technique can be used during masturbation as well, and it can help you learn how to control your breathing so that you can use it during sex. Just remember to be patient, and don’t get frustrated if it doesn’t work right away.
2. Focus on your body
It’s common for people who have a lot of stress and internal anxieties to bring those issues into bed with their partner, and it can really interfere with sexual pleasure. That’s why it’s important to learn how to get into your body and relax.
The simplest way to do that is to focus on the sensations of your breath. It’s a quick way to reconnect with your physical self, and it can help you push out distracting thoughts. Another simple way is to try different types of stimulation. Focusing on a particular type of sensation can help you stay engaged, and it can also trigger orgasms in your body.
For example, you can try giving your partner a sensual massage or taking a warm bath together to create a sexy atmosphere. You can even engage in sexual imagery or masturbation to get ready for sex. It’s also helpful to practice getting intimate without sex by engaging in foreplay, like kissing, and talking about things that turn you on. The more you do this, the easier it will be to stay present during sex.
3. Contract your muscles
It’s important to relax your whole body, but it can also help to contract certain muscles. This will improve your relaxation and allow you to feel more connected with your body, which can lead to a better experience during sex. Try contracting your pelvic floor and internal sphincter muscles. This will allow you to control the amount of pressure applied near your partner’s penis, which can enhance pleasure. Be sure to use lube to reduce the risk of tearing and increase comfort. This will also help to increase the speed of climax. Changing positions frequently can make sex more interesting.
4. Talk to your partner
The most important thing you can do to prevent bedroom anxiety is to talk openly with your partner. This can be awkward, but it’s worth the effort. Try to find a time when you can talk without distraction and interruption, such as after dinner or at the end of a busy day.
Be sure to discuss your sex needs, sexual preferences, and any issues you have had in the past. This will allow your partner to understand what your triggers are and why they make you feel the way you do. It will also allow them to be more mindful about their behavior and actions, making your sex more enjoyable.
Be open to suggestions, but be clear about your boundaries. This will prevent your partner from taking advantage of your nervousness. If you do find yourself drifting, let your partner know that you’re having trouble tuning in and ask for their help in bringing you back to the moment. Be specific about what you need, such as a certain touch or kiss to get your attention back.
5. Relax your mind
Practicing mindfulness will help you focus on your sensations during sex. It will also help to quiet stray thoughts and internal monologues that can distract you from the pleasure of your sensual experience. With time, this will become a habit.
The mind is naturally a distracting place to be during sexual activity. This is especially true for people who live stressful lives or have a lot of internal anxiety. The problem is that bringing your mental life into the bedroom can lead to problems like poor lubrication, erectile dysfunction and anorgasmia.
It’s important to remember that sex is not a movie scene and there’s no point in trying to make it perfect. There will be jiggling thighs, cum faces and awkward queefs. However, these things can add to the fun and are part of what makes sex so unique.
Try spending some time masturbating on your own to learn what feels good and turns you on. That way, when you have sex with your partner, you can focus on the pleasure you’re feeling instead of worrying about having an orgasm.
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