Woman Smiling

How to Initiate Sex With Your Husband

Most men enjoy sex more when they are the ones to initiate. They feel frustrated and resentful when their wives pre-initiate or only respond to them sexually after a certain amount of time has passed.

However, it is not their fault for feeling this way. It is a sign that they may be having trouble with desire, but there are ways to help them find more.

Get in the Mood

Even couples who have been married for a long time can have trouble knowing how to initiate sex in the right way. This is especially true for couples with a different sexual drive. For example, some spouses are naturally more inclined to want sex while others need a little bit of encouragement and some extra hints from their partner. The right approach can make all the difference for a happy, fulfilling marriage.

For some couples, it might be hard to break out of the routine of always waiting for the other to make the first move. This can lead to frustration and resentment over time. In many cases, this is a result of unaddressed issues in the relationship that can be easily fixed with a few changes.

When it comes to sex, it’s important to be creative and use your imagination to find new ways to get in the mood. Using your partner’s love languages is another great way to get them excited about the idea of getting closer. For example, if their favorite love language is gifts, a cute card or small token of affection may be enough to turn things up a notch.

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It’s also a good idea to try some of the classic ways to get in the mood, like a kissing game or a teasing glance. In fact, a bit of dirty talk can be a real turn on for many people.

Try New Things

Initiating sex in a marriage requires creativity. It’s important to think of new ways to turn on your husband sexually, and the best way to do that is to try something out. It could be a new position, role-play, or even just a different way of giving a peck on the lips. There are endless options to get your partner in the mood.

If you know their love language, try sending them little hints throughout the day. If they’re a visual person, wearing lingerie can be an excellent way to show them your body and turn them on. You could also surprise them by showing up in their lingerie when they’re about to go to sleep. Or if they’re a physical touch person, give them a deep kiss on the back to let them know you’re in the mood for more than just a peck.

It’s also a good idea to talk openly with your spouse about the ways they turn on sexually. If they don’t initiate often, ask them what is going on in their life that might be making them more hesitant. For example, are they feeling extra tired from work? Is this stage of parenting exhausting them? Have they experienced any sexual trauma in the past that has made them feel less desirable? It’s important to identify any obstacles and find a way through them.

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Make Time for It

Even when both partners want sexual intimacy, sometimes life gets in the way. You’re both probably working hard, your kids may be a pain, or you might have other things on your plate that make it difficult to carve out time for sex. But even if you’re busy, you can still find ways to spice up your marital intimacy.

You can ping him throughout the day with little flirtatious text messages, playfully drop hints about sexual positions and orgasms that would put him in the mood, or buy a new lube or arousal aid that you’re eager to try. You can also go above and beyond the typical “hello” smooch and greet him with kisses that are sweet, passionate, and arousing.

If you’re not sure why he’s lacking interest in sex, it’s worth having an honest conversation about it with him. But be careful how you frame the discussion, since a negative tone could have the opposite effect. Instead, try to keep the conversation nonjudgmental and about what you’ve learned about your needs in the relationship and sex dynamic.

You can also give each other a month-long sex retreat by getting a babysitter and staying in the hotel for a weekend. Or you can schedule a night to get intimate by putting it on your calendars and making sure to clear your schedules that evening.

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Be Honest

It’s important to be honest with your husband about where you are at sexually. It might feel a little uncomfortable at first to talk about this topic with a new spouse, but it will be worth it. Knowing where your spouse is at on the sexual spectrum can help you be more effective in igniting his interest.

There are a lot of ways you can communicate that you want sex with your husband. You can come right out and say it, or you can be more subtle with your words. You can also use your body to show him that you are sexually available. For example, you could give him a long kiss that goes well beyond a quick peck on the lips. Or, you could hold him in your arms or lean against him with your face toward his.

It’s not uncommon for a marriage to go through seasons where sex is not a priority for one or both of the partners. However, it’s also not a good idea to let sexual desire completely fade. If you don’t initiate sex with your husband on a regular basis, then you will likely miss out on rekindling the flames of love and passion in your relationship. By exploring some of the tips above and communicating openly with your partner, you can find the best way to initiate sex in your marriage.