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How to Have Sex by Yourself

Whether we’re exploring fantasies or trying to figure out what turns us on, it’s important to know how to masturbate by ourselves. Masturbating is a healthy way to explore sexual arousal and can help you understand your boundaries better when it comes to sex with partners.

It can also be a great way to get orgasms!

1. Start with a stroke

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, as everyone’s sexual pleasures are personal and unique. Some people like to read erotic books or watch porn before having sex, while others find orgasm in simply stroking their dick or clitoris.

The most important thing is to find what turns you on and go from there. Creating an intimate space by locking yourself away in a dark, quiet room can help you connect to your body’s pleasure centers and focus solely on you. Taking things slowly, avoiding distractions (phones, push notifications etc.), and using lube can all make the experience more enjoyable.

It’s also a good idea to use safe sex methods such as condoms or diaphragms to prevent unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. Some people even find that using a vibrator makes a solo masturbation session more intense.

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2. Move on to fingering

Fingering is an excellent way to explore all the erogenous zones of your body. When you are ready, lubricate your fingers and slip them into the vagina. Start slow, and work your way up to a satisfying level of stimulation. You can also try massaging the g-spot—it is super sensitive and has a unique texture. Some women find their orgasms are more intense when they finger themselves and tease their clitoris.

Another way to increase your pleasure is to elongate the strokes by moving around your body with your fingers. Stroke the erogenous areas like your breasts, inner thighs, and vulva to help get you aroused. You can also cup your vulva to build up tension.

It is important not to push yourself too hard or fast when you are fingering yourself, and that is one of the biggest reasons to do it alone first. Many people are not comfortable or confident with their genitalia, and learning how to touch it in the privacy of your own home can help you feel less nervous and more empowered.

3. Try teasing

Whether you’re trying to stimulate yourself for sex or to satisfy an oral fix, there are so many fun ways to tease your own body. For example, stroking your body through your underwear can feel hot and tickle in all kinds of ways. If you’re in a long-distance relationship, it can even be orgasm-inducing to have sexual tension build up over the phone until you’re finally able to meet your lover and suck them off (learn more).

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Teasing can also help you learn what feels good — and what doesn’t. For instance, you might find that you really love orgasm with a particular dildo and want to add it to your collection.

Plus, masturbating solo is a great way to figure out what your boundaries are when it comes to certain erogenous zones, and you can communicate them more clearly during partnered sex. And that, my friends, is a real lifesaver.

4. Take a shower

Sex and water are two vital life forces sustaining the human race — but combining the two can be pretty alluring, especially for a certain type of sexual activity known as shower sex. Whether you’re the one doing the boinking or just fantasizing about it, oral sex in the shower is an arousing and delicious experience that doesn’t require any cleanup materials, notes Trojan.

Just make sure the bathroom is clean before you attempt shower sex, since soap on the floor can be a major turn-off, explains ob-gyn and Lovehoney sex-and-relationship expert Megan Fleming. Also, keep in mind that shower sex is not for everyone. “If you are not comfortable touching your genitals in this manner, it is a good idea to practice other methods of self-pleasure like massage or fingering,” she says.

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And don’t forget to use a barrier method, such as a condom, diaphragm or vaginal cap, while you’re enjoying your solo sex to protect against unintended pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections. (Learn how to use a barrier method here.) And, of course, remember that masturbation is healthy and perfectly normal despite what frumpy naysayers may tell you.

5. Listen to music

Music is an important part of any sex experience. It helps us focus on the moment and can inspire rhythms in our movements. It can also be a great distraction, helping you block out any nervousness or discomfort you may be feeling.

Whether it’s the slow, mellow beat of a Marvin Gaye song or a cliche Def Leppard tune, listening to music can be super sexy. It can even be a bonding experience, particularly if you and your partner share the same taste in music.

Some people aren’t fans of listening to music while masturbating, preferring to listen to their partner’s natural moans or white noise. Others, however, find that it’s a huge turn-on and can help them reach an orgasm faster. It’s also an easy way to keep your hands busy while you’re masturbating, making it an excellent distraction for those who have trouble keeping their minds on their task at hand.